Did you not know that you can bleed?
Did you not know that you can fail?
Did you not know that you are mortal,
that your loved ones are mortal,
and that anything can happen at anytime?
(Listen to this article here instead of reading)
Or even simpler things — that your objects, the things that you own and cherish, are indeed objects which can break, get damaged, or be stolen?
So many times, when these things happen such as we lose something to theft, or damage, or are simply dispossessed of them somehow…
(which happens to so many people all around us every single day)
We act like it’s a huge surprise.
They never fathomed that their child could get injured, that something could happen to their house, that something could happen to their own health, or that they could lose all of their money.
When I was “assessing the damage” at the end of 2023 and running the numbers on my finances and debt, I was caught off guard.
I was not prepared.
I was surprised at what I was seeing.
I could not believe that it was me who was in that situation.
PS – If you’re not familiar with the crazy story of how I ended up in $247,000+ dollars in debt, click here and I’ll fill you in.
The funny thing is, when this type of thing happens to someone else, especially someone who we’re not particularly close to, someone losing their entire house or all of their money affects us less than breaking our favorite coffee mug.
It’s interesting, isn’t it?
Because if that was an objectively horrible, surprising, out-of-nowhere, and almost unbelievable thing, it should carry the same weight for everyone.
But because it doesn’t directly affect us, we say:
“Well, these things happen.”
“Should have done this, could have done that, and it could have been prevented.”
“Oh well, you’ll bounce back. It’s just money, it’s just money/materials, right?”
We tell these things to other people, but when they happen to us, because we haven’t prepared, we are completely taken by surprise.
Imagine your house burns down…
You’d think – out of everyone this could have happened to – “why me?”…
It would be one of the most awful and devastating moments of your life.
When something bad happens to someone else, we often think, “that’s awful, so sorry to hear that”, and me move on with our day.
But when it happens to us, it feels like a paralysing shock.
Simply because we didn’t prepare ourselves for it.
Why do we act surprised, or caught off guard – when life smack us with things that we actually should have already expected to happen?
When we get surprised by things that happen to everyone, like losing something or someone, we make it feel worse.
Ancient philosophers like Seneca talked about this:
“Didn’t you know this could happen?”
He means we all know bad things can happen, so why act surprised?
Think about it:
We know people can get hurt, things can break, and we all are mortal.
Seneca and other wise philosophers had a way to prepare for these events.
It’s called “negative visualization.” This means thinking about bad things that could happen.
Now I know I almost always preach positivity, believing in yourself, and always planning for the greatest outcome – so before you get worked up, hear me out:
The Stoics had a mental practice of visualizing misfortunes long in advance.
The obvious reason they had was for a better preparation for unwanted events.
They would embrace whatever might happen and figure out what they could do about it, in a very action-oriented approach.
For example, when you hug your family, remember that they won’t be around forever. This makes you appreciate them more now.
By thinking about these things, we get ready for them.
So, when they do happen, we won’t feel as bad, surprised, or even devastated.
We will truly have enjoyed every good moment in the present leading up to anything unfortunate.
If my home burns down, I have already spent time contemplating the joy and love that I’ve experienced within it.
Both the wonderful and difficult times that I’ve had within these walls will live with me forever.
With this approach, even in this very moment, I feel gratitude to be able to sit in my dream home office and write this article for you – and know that these moments may not last forever – because nothing ever does.
I would much rather be present, live in the moment, and feel gratitude for this very moment now – rather than wishing I would have embraced my experiences better, only after it was too late.
If we always appreciate what we have now, we won’t feel so much regret when things change.
Regret is simply when we wish we had done something differently.
By practicing gratitude and remembering that things can change, we live happier and more fulfilled lives, and we won’t take things for granted.
This isn’t something we do just once.
We need to practice it all the time.
Every day, we should think about what we have and how it could change.
This way, we stay grateful, as well as ready for anything that comes our way, while simultaneously pursuing our goals and dreams.
If I would have practiced this in a stronger way years ago, I may not have ever ran into financial difficulties.
And even if I still did, I would have been mentally prepared for dealing with it, rather than being surprised – because my prior attitude was that something like that could “never happen to me.”
If you’d like to learn more about the mistakes I made leading up to this moment, take a quick look at my full post on this here (and be sure to read the caption):
So why don’t we do the work we know we need to do in order to “be prepared” and put ourselves in the best possible situations?
The answer is simple:
- You are a perfectionist.
- You are a perfectionist, because you’re afraid.
- You are a procrastinator, because you’re a perfectionist.
People think being a Perfectionist means you have high self esteem, high standards, you’re very detail oriented, super productive, and obsessed with success.
This couldn’t be further from the truth. I elaborate on why right here:
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In reality, perfectionists set insanely high goals as a way to hide and avoid their fear of failure.
As a perfectionist, you suffer from the endless and relentless pressure you put on yourself to meet impossible standards.
You are haunted by inadequacy and self-doubt.
Always stuck on what could have been done better.
Mistakes feel like a monumental failure, which only creates stress and anxiety.
This cycle destroys your productivity and your creativity.
It also ruins your relationships, especially the one with yourself.
It’s a silent tormentor that traps you in a never-ending loop of striving for something that isn’t real.
When you’re constantly putting things off, you’re not even living your own life.
So let’s rephrase:
- You are not perfect.
- You are not perfect, so you’re no longer afraid.
- You no longer procrastinate, because you know perfect isn’t real.
One holds you back.
One sets you free.
Your choice.
Marcus Aurelius wrote:
“What stands in the way becomes the way.”
More recently, Tremaine Emory said:
“I mine failure for the things I can learn from it.”
and I say:
“We should lean into our mistakes, they are the most guaranteed path to success.”
There is more beauty in your efforts when they aren’t perfect.
So stop nagging and doubting yourself.
Everything great comes from messing it up first:
- Thomas Edison
- J.K. Rowling
- Abraham Lincoln
- Steve Jobs
- Eminem
- Albert Einstein
- Michael Jordan
- and I could go on and on.
All of these people found success through making thousands of mistakes.
So, in a weird way, as much as we want to avoid negativity and mistakes, they are the answer.
So with the utmost love and compliments, I’m wishing you preparedness and imperfection for the rest of the year.
